I think it was Journey that wrote and produced Wheel in the Sky, which I think is a tribute to the cosmos and its movements, hence the wheel, and its use by man as a clock, maybe? And maybe that is a little deep for the members of Journey, which for all I know simply liked the way the words sounded when sang to the music they had "in their heads."
But for me it has always stood for the clock in the cosmos thing. I mention this because time can move along at its normal rate, which it always does regardless, and seem to stand still to the casual observer. I mention this twist because I am anxious to get something done for a particular reason I'll not go into here, and though I look at the clock and the second hand is moving along like it should, time is standing still for me.
Isn't it always that way? I can't seem to get done the things I need to get done, mainly because the timing here is important. As I lean ever more forward to the point where it will all slide down hill and, maybe quicker than I can handle, for me time seems to move ever more slowly.
In the context of this post, there are a few constants in the universe I would like to mention. The Wheel in the Sky will keep on turning, the stars will always amaze me, and so does the one I love.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Laughing all the way to the cemetary
That part of life about being nice and mindful of the feelings of others is okay and all, but the simple truth of the matter is we have become a nation of bored people because of it. Now that I have your attention, let me explain.
Have you ever been asked, "Does this dress make me look fat?" Or maybe something along that thread. That's right up there with, "Does my stuck foot in this trash can, that is also on fire, make me look stupid?"
Now, I've never been asked a question like those before by anyone, and God help the fool who does. I was just thinking about such questions during my lunch today and the "make me look fat?" one sort of just stuck in my head. I had a really good laugh then. And later today going into Wal-Mart, in front of me was a woman with a really huge pair of shorts on, striped vertically of course, and I did laugh my ass all the way off. I couldn't help thinking she had asked someone, "Do these shorts make me look fat?" After I picked my ass up off the floor, I went my merry way into Wal-Mart, she never the wiser to what I thought was so funny.
I imagine in real life no one really asks such questions, do they? Or, do they? Someone did ask me the other day at work, a customer on the phone that is, "Can taking prenatal vitamins make me pregnant?"
"No ma'am, only sex can do that," I said.
I guess it is the kind things we do that are important, and we should feel a little bad when we make fun of other people just so we can have a laugh or two. But, I think life would be so boring if we never took advantage of the opportunity to have a laugh now and then. If we step on someone's feelings we can always apologize and explain to them that we just couldn't help ourselves. And maybe, just maybe, they'll get a good laugh at themselves as a result.
I was inspired to write this bit of humor by a good friend of mine, who sometimes pokes a little fun at people then feels really bad about herself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Though you are still quite young, that final move to the cemetary will come soon enough, and you might as well let yourself have a good time while on the way there.
Have you ever been asked, "Does this dress make me look fat?" Or maybe something along that thread. That's right up there with, "Does my stuck foot in this trash can, that is also on fire, make me look stupid?"
Now, I've never been asked a question like those before by anyone, and God help the fool who does. I was just thinking about such questions during my lunch today and the "make me look fat?" one sort of just stuck in my head. I had a really good laugh then. And later today going into Wal-Mart, in front of me was a woman with a really huge pair of shorts on, striped vertically of course, and I did laugh my ass all the way off. I couldn't help thinking she had asked someone, "Do these shorts make me look fat?" After I picked my ass up off the floor, I went my merry way into Wal-Mart, she never the wiser to what I thought was so funny.
I imagine in real life no one really asks such questions, do they? Or, do they? Someone did ask me the other day at work, a customer on the phone that is, "Can taking prenatal vitamins make me pregnant?"
"No ma'am, only sex can do that," I said.
I guess it is the kind things we do that are important, and we should feel a little bad when we make fun of other people just so we can have a laugh or two. But, I think life would be so boring if we never took advantage of the opportunity to have a laugh now and then. If we step on someone's feelings we can always apologize and explain to them that we just couldn't help ourselves. And maybe, just maybe, they'll get a good laugh at themselves as a result.
I was inspired to write this bit of humor by a good friend of mine, who sometimes pokes a little fun at people then feels really bad about herself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Though you are still quite young, that final move to the cemetary will come soon enough, and you might as well let yourself have a good time while on the way there.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
I don't know what it is exactly
That's been my problem for a long time. Not knowing what it is exactly. Do you know what it is exactly? I've never met anyone who knew what it was exactly. I knew a guy once who said he knew what it was exactly, but he got run over by a drunk driver on a Honda. So much for meeting the nicest people......
Anyway, to know what it is exactly is the quest of science, religion, alchemy, astrology and Mrs. Peterson's 3rd period home economics class. Einstein probably knew what it was exactly but was unable to explain it in English. Too much math, not enough nouns.
I figure I'll be dead about a week when someone finally figures out what it is exactly and can tell everyone. By then it will be too late because I'll have been dead for about a week.
I really don't care if anybody else ever finds out what it is exactly as long as somehow I find out what it is exactly. But if I knew, I would tell everybody. You know what, there is probably some guy in the world who does know what it is exactly, but oh no, he's not telling a soul. We ought to find this guy and make him tell everyone what it is exactly. But we don't exactly know who this guy is, do we? Damn it, now there's two things we don't know exactly. One, we don't know what it is exactly, and two, we don't know who it is who knows what it is exactly, exactly.
What makes a woman tick?
Anyway, to know what it is exactly is the quest of science, religion, alchemy, astrology and Mrs. Peterson's 3rd period home economics class. Einstein probably knew what it was exactly but was unable to explain it in English. Too much math, not enough nouns.
I figure I'll be dead about a week when someone finally figures out what it is exactly and can tell everyone. By then it will be too late because I'll have been dead for about a week.
I really don't care if anybody else ever finds out what it is exactly as long as somehow I find out what it is exactly. But if I knew, I would tell everybody. You know what, there is probably some guy in the world who does know what it is exactly, but oh no, he's not telling a soul. We ought to find this guy and make him tell everyone what it is exactly. But we don't exactly know who this guy is, do we? Damn it, now there's two things we don't know exactly. One, we don't know what it is exactly, and two, we don't know who it is who knows what it is exactly, exactly.
What makes a woman tick?
Monday, October 18, 2004
2B or not 2B
What was the question?
Whether it is far nobler to suffer the slings and arrows blah blah blah....
Shakespeare, can't live with him, because he's dead, don't know where he's buried. Not necessarily true, I think the location of his grave is known, I just mean I don't where it is. My favorite Shakespeare is the bit about "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother....." and so on, really a great bit. I can't remember it all, but if you want to read the whole bit, look for it here.
Enjoy it as I have over the years since I first heard it recited in a Danny Devito movie called Renaissance Man. I could tell you all about Shakespeare but,... I failed that course.
Things were certainly different back in his day. Again, I could tell you all about it but,... I failed that course too. Men played all the parts in the play, even in Romeo and Juliet. Now, we have women on the stage playing the female parts, and doing a damn fine job of it I say. Here!, here! I wonder why it took so long for it to catch on.
I can see it now.....
All in English accents;
"I say there, William. Why don't we cast Lillian here as Juliet. I think it to be a smashing good idea."
"No, and besides, dear Rupert so has his heart set on it."
"Bummer, I say."
And so, a really good idea got back burnered for centuries, all because Rupert was a drag queen. Well, it could have happened that way. But not likely.
Whether it is far nobler to suffer the slings and arrows blah blah blah....
Shakespeare, can't live with him, because he's dead, don't know where he's buried. Not necessarily true, I think the location of his grave is known, I just mean I don't where it is. My favorite Shakespeare is the bit about "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; for he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother....." and so on, really a great bit. I can't remember it all, but if you want to read the whole bit, look for it here.
Enjoy it as I have over the years since I first heard it recited in a Danny Devito movie called Renaissance Man. I could tell you all about Shakespeare but,... I failed that course.
Things were certainly different back in his day. Again, I could tell you all about it but,... I failed that course too. Men played all the parts in the play, even in Romeo and Juliet. Now, we have women on the stage playing the female parts, and doing a damn fine job of it I say. Here!, here! I wonder why it took so long for it to catch on.
I can see it now.....
All in English accents;
"I say there, William. Why don't we cast Lillian here as Juliet. I think it to be a smashing good idea."
"No, and besides, dear Rupert so has his heart set on it."
"Bummer, I say."
And so, a really good idea got back burnered for centuries, all because Rupert was a drag queen. Well, it could have happened that way. But not likely.
Friday, October 15, 2004
To each his own perspective
Have you ever thought about how something appears to others or what others may consider if in your shoes at a particular point of time in your life? I sometimes try to see things as others might be seeing them. It is difficult to really be accurate but it must be conceded that although we are all unique in the world, we are all flesh and blood beings and in that manner not that different from each other.
Is everything subjective to each individual? Yes, I believe so. I don't think anyone can be truly objective because we all have an opinion about everything and no matter what one attempts to do in a given situation, subjective tendencies will encroach on the attempt to be objective.
For instance, it may be abundantly evident to the friends of a man who is a cocaine user that he uses entirely too much cocaine and should cut back by a kilo or two a week. In the man's mind, he isn't getting enough cocaine as it is and wonders why there isn't enough time in the day, and money in the pocket, to get enough. And so on ad infinitum.
But here is where I digress continually to the dissatisfaction of many, and hopefully to the amusement of some. Having stated all the above, I now consider the possibility that something I write here I will see again. Maybe as evidence where someone is trying to prove how truly insane I am. Now don't get me wrong, I am not questioning my own sanity as much as I am questioning what others may consider about it from what I write. Can one write himself into a sanitarium?
I have lived long enough to have first hand experience in seeing a fellow human being believe something that was not true at all simply because of the group of friends she identified with. So I know my fellow humans out there in the real world can certainly champion a cause that has no foundation. People involved in the political arena do it all the time. Environmental extremists, anti-abortion protestors, Democrats, Republicans, and so on believe things that are not necessarily true to support their causes. The Communists were really good at it. Disprove the stated assertions, (outright lies?) and the basis for the cause goes away one would think.
Easier said than done. It might be possible to disprove an untrue, (outright lie?), assertion made by an organized group to you or any rational human being, but you will never disprove it to those who made it. Why is this?
For me the world can be a confusing place. It has taken a long time for me to begin seeing the grays in between the black and the white. Sometimes there is more gray than black and white combined.
To summarize, the world is, at the same time, a wonderful and awful place, and you are going to step in the shit once in a while. Get used to it and carry plenty of paper towels. Also, think hard and long about what you are willing to believe and why.
Is everything subjective to each individual? Yes, I believe so. I don't think anyone can be truly objective because we all have an opinion about everything and no matter what one attempts to do in a given situation, subjective tendencies will encroach on the attempt to be objective.
For instance, it may be abundantly evident to the friends of a man who is a cocaine user that he uses entirely too much cocaine and should cut back by a kilo or two a week. In the man's mind, he isn't getting enough cocaine as it is and wonders why there isn't enough time in the day, and money in the pocket, to get enough. And so on ad infinitum.
But here is where I digress continually to the dissatisfaction of many, and hopefully to the amusement of some. Having stated all the above, I now consider the possibility that something I write here I will see again. Maybe as evidence where someone is trying to prove how truly insane I am. Now don't get me wrong, I am not questioning my own sanity as much as I am questioning what others may consider about it from what I write. Can one write himself into a sanitarium?
I have lived long enough to have first hand experience in seeing a fellow human being believe something that was not true at all simply because of the group of friends she identified with. So I know my fellow humans out there in the real world can certainly champion a cause that has no foundation. People involved in the political arena do it all the time. Environmental extremists, anti-abortion protestors, Democrats, Republicans, and so on believe things that are not necessarily true to support their causes. The Communists were really good at it. Disprove the stated assertions, (outright lies?) and the basis for the cause goes away one would think.
Easier said than done. It might be possible to disprove an untrue, (outright lie?), assertion made by an organized group to you or any rational human being, but you will never disprove it to those who made it. Why is this?
For me the world can be a confusing place. It has taken a long time for me to begin seeing the grays in between the black and the white. Sometimes there is more gray than black and white combined.
To summarize, the world is, at the same time, a wonderful and awful place, and you are going to step in the shit once in a while. Get used to it and carry plenty of paper towels. Also, think hard and long about what you are willing to believe and why.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
A Day Off In the Life
I had a day off today. Not much to say about it except I really needed it.
I still got up at 6 am, after 6 hours of sleep, put on some coffee, surfed the net while waiting for the coffee to brew, drank some 3 cups of coffee while surfing the net some more, went to the bathroom at least twice, took a shower, never shave on my days off, I don't care who you are, got dressed, went to town and ate breakfast, picked up a buddy to see how much devilment we could get into all before 8 am. Well, we had to wait till about 10 am before we got into any real devilment. Shit slows down as you get old. I used to be able to get into some real devilment really quick, usually before I left home, but that was way back when I was 35. It's not that I've slowed down so much as it is that I've gotten a little wiser.
Think of it this way. There's a papa bull and his yearling son grazing at the top of a hill and at the bottom of the hill are a bunch of cows all around a watering hole. Well, the yearling says to papa, "Hey papa, let's run down there and kiss one of them cows." Papa bull looks into his son's eyes and says, "Why don't we walk down there and kiss them all?"
What do you mean I can't say "kiss" on the internet?
And now, for something really apolitically correct. Have you been feeling a little apolitical lately? Perhaps what you need is a trip to Communist China, where the people have to vote in every election yet the same guys keep getting elected. By contrast, in The People's Democratic Republic of the United States, no one has to vote and, many there are that do not, yet the same guys keep getting elected here too. Do you see a trend developing here? MMmmmmm....
Since it has been demonstrated that the same thing happens in two different places with two different governments, may we now be able to expand Robert's Fundamental Theorem of SSDD to also include Robert's Fundamental Theorem of SSDPS. Seeing that we have stumbled over an amazing coincidence, may we now claim to have solved Einstein's Unified Field Theory to some miniscule degree, and may we simply rename it Robert's Fundamental Theorem of SOSE?
All right, the Kim-chee is deep now, and hot. Put a soup bone in it.
Abbreviations Explained:
SSDD Same Sh*t Different Day
SSDPS Same Sh*t Differing Political System
SOSE Same Old Sh*t Everywhere
Don't forget to vote! It really does make a difference. Keep the faith, baby!
I still got up at 6 am, after 6 hours of sleep, put on some coffee, surfed the net while waiting for the coffee to brew, drank some 3 cups of coffee while surfing the net some more, went to the bathroom at least twice, took a shower, never shave on my days off, I don't care who you are, got dressed, went to town and ate breakfast, picked up a buddy to see how much devilment we could get into all before 8 am. Well, we had to wait till about 10 am before we got into any real devilment. Shit slows down as you get old. I used to be able to get into some real devilment really quick, usually before I left home, but that was way back when I was 35. It's not that I've slowed down so much as it is that I've gotten a little wiser.
Think of it this way. There's a papa bull and his yearling son grazing at the top of a hill and at the bottom of the hill are a bunch of cows all around a watering hole. Well, the yearling says to papa, "Hey papa, let's run down there and kiss one of them cows." Papa bull looks into his son's eyes and says, "Why don't we walk down there and kiss them all?"
What do you mean I can't say "kiss" on the internet?
And now, for something really apolitically correct. Have you been feeling a little apolitical lately? Perhaps what you need is a trip to Communist China, where the people have to vote in every election yet the same guys keep getting elected. By contrast, in The People's Democratic Republic of the United States, no one has to vote and, many there are that do not, yet the same guys keep getting elected here too. Do you see a trend developing here? MMmmmmm....
Since it has been demonstrated that the same thing happens in two different places with two different governments, may we now be able to expand Robert's Fundamental Theorem of SSDD to also include Robert's Fundamental Theorem of SSDPS. Seeing that we have stumbled over an amazing coincidence, may we now claim to have solved Einstein's Unified Field Theory to some miniscule degree, and may we simply rename it Robert's Fundamental Theorem of SOSE?
All right, the Kim-chee is deep now, and hot. Put a soup bone in it.
Abbreviations Explained:
SSDD Same Sh*t Different Day
SSDPS Same Sh*t Differing Political System
SOSE Same Old Sh*t Everywhere
Don't forget to vote! It really does make a difference. Keep the faith, baby!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
SSDD Number 16697
Like a rock, the truck commercial, remember? Like a rock, huh? I always thought I'd rather drive a truck that was more like a truck. Well, don't let me stop you from driving a rock, but I'll keep my truck, thank you.
Let's see whats in the news, shall we. Here's a headline for you. "Cities Raise Property Taxes" Well, no shit, Sherlock. I like a headline like that. After reading that headline I already know all I need to know. No need to read the article. Sort of like an obituary. If the son of bitch is dead I don't need his phone number anymore.
Here's another one. "Flint Rates Flat Through 2012" Yeah, flat like an inclined plane.
And "What About Those Tax Cuts?" Enough said.
That's it. Well it was a small paper. Only three really good headlines in the whole joint.
I've got to get out more and take some digital pictures, but in the area where I live there isn't exactly an abundance of beautiful vistas, let alone a beautiful vista with a sunrise or sunset available. Have you ever taken a bunch of photos thinking these are the best photos you've ever taken in your life only to find out later you captured every piece of shit parked car or garbage truck in Georgia right in there with the rest of your subject?
Or better yet.... No one in my pictures has a head.
I used to be interested in local geology until I moved to Georgia. All you need to know about Georgia, at least where I live, is that Georgia is covered in red clay. The answer to every geological question about Georgia is "red clay."
"What is the surface and subsurface geology of Georgia?" "Red clay."
"What is the most abundant surface mineral outcrop in Georgia?" "Red clay."
"Are there any rocks in Georgia." "No, only red clay."
Instead of "Georgia on my mind" on the license plates it ought to say "Georgia on my shoes." I was disappointed. You have to dig through a lot of red clay to get a rock in Georgia. Or just go buy one, you know, like a truck.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Plan A, or B, From Inner Space, Scene One
Scene One
Robert: "All right sports fans, it's time to move on."
Trevor: "It's about time, asshole!"
Robert: "Yes, it has been fun but, for the time being yours truly, Robert L. Stevenson, shall now move on with his life and press with Plan A or B, which ever it has to be. I'm not at liberty to tell you what either plan is just yet, for I don't know myself, except that one or both of them may involve a security deposit. Well, shit! If that don't give it away I don't know what does."
Trevor: "That's funny. I don't care who you are."
Robert: "Look for the party around January, subject to change as conditions dictate."
Trevor: "Git'r Done!"
Robert: "We'll be right back after these messages from your local sponsor. Trevor, put your monkey wrench down before you put your eye out."
Trevor: "Damn! I never get to have any fu....Oh Shit! I just put Henry's eye out. Aww.. Gross me out man! Oh Henry, I told you to stand back anytime I'm playing with my monkey wrench, didn't I?"
Robert: "That's funny. I don't care who you are."
The End
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
TV Sucks, but it's better than doing something...
Remote controls. Can't live with them and can't find it when you need it. What is the average life span of a remote control? Have you ever had one long enough to change the batteries in it? "Uhh, there's batteries in them things?"
Where have you been? Not fixing the remote control I see. How long can you sit watching TV without having to fight the urge to change the channel even while wanting to watch what was on? Five minutes, five seconds and every five seconds thereafter? I always have the urge to change the channel, no matter what is on right now and whether or not it is in full swing or during a commercial.
There just isn't much left on TV to hold my interest. I'm beginning to think that if it ain't on the History Channel it ain't shit, and ain't much on the History Channel lately been much better than shit. Thank God I have a brain and have found other means to entertain myself. Well, I've never actually seen it. My brain that is. Since I can tie a knot in my tennis shoes without getting any of my fingers caught in it, I figure I probably got one. It's a vicious circle type of argument. Sometimes I win that one and sometimes I don't.
I have caught myself thinking while watching the TV. Oh my God, call the thinking while watching TV police. Thinking while watching TV? What will I do next? Anyway, I've often noticed that while watching TV I am mostly just remaining motionless looking at the electronic moving picture box with what I imagine to be a blank, dumb yet content, emotionless stare.
Now, here is where the thought process must be utilized. Imagine, if you will, yourself watching TV, sitting or laying motionless, just staring at the electronic moving picture box as always. Now, take away only the TV with everything else remaining the same and imagine what an alien observer would think if he saw you sitting or laying motionless, just staring at nothing, with a dumb yet content, look on your face.
That freaks me out every time I try it. What does it do for you?
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Life in the Lois Lane
Where is Superman when you need him? Out passing speeding bullets or being more powerful than a locomotive? What was it he could do in a single bound? Something about tall buildings. Leap! That was a toughy, eh?
My recollection of Superman was that he was pretty thick and incompetent when incognito as Clark Kent. More prone to slay the maiden and save the dragon kind of thick. That outfit must have imputed to him some mental powers that sort of vanished when it was under his street clothes and not in the full light of the sun. Where did he hide the cape? Sort of roll it up and puff up his shoulders under his t-shirt?
One thing that always puzzled me about Superman. If he wore his outfit under his street clothes all the time, how come he couldn't fly until he took them off?
Too many subway tokens in his pockets.
My recollection of Superman was that he was pretty thick and incompetent when incognito as Clark Kent. More prone to slay the maiden and save the dragon kind of thick. That outfit must have imputed to him some mental powers that sort of vanished when it was under his street clothes and not in the full light of the sun. Where did he hide the cape? Sort of roll it up and puff up his shoulders under his t-shirt?
One thing that always puzzled me about Superman. If he wore his outfit under his street clothes all the time, how come he couldn't fly until he took them off?
Too many subway tokens in his pockets.
Friday, October 01, 2004
Where does Gorilla Glue come from?
I was in the hardware store a week or two ago and I saw some stuff called Gorilla Glue. I asked about it and was told that it was some kind of glue. Well, being the inquisitive type I asked, "Is it made out of real gorillas?"
I was disappointed as the lady said "No, of course not, silly." Oh well, I got some Ultimate Glue at home that works just as good I'll bet. However, I don't know what it's made out of either, but it's some kind glue, too.
I just looked up the word media in a dictionary and no where did it define the word as meaning CNN or the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. However, a usage note at the word medium explained that while many do use the word media to describe the media, it did not indicate to me that the use is correct. So I guess you can make a glue and call it Gorilla Glue and it not be made out of real gorillas.
Bubba: "Hey Forest. Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?"
Forest: "No, but I've been on a real big boat. I gotta pee."
I was disappointed as the lady said "No, of course not, silly." Oh well, I got some Ultimate Glue at home that works just as good I'll bet. However, I don't know what it's made out of either, but it's some kind glue, too.
I just looked up the word media in a dictionary and no where did it define the word as meaning CNN or the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. However, a usage note at the word medium explained that while many do use the word media to describe the media, it did not indicate to me that the use is correct. So I guess you can make a glue and call it Gorilla Glue and it not be made out of real gorillas.
Bubba: "Hey Forest. Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?"
Forest: "No, but I've been on a real big boat. I gotta pee."
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